BOYFRIEND FILES: THE FIRST DATE

Aaaaah the first date. I remember mine ever so well. It involved a five seater van, pineapples and mad screaming. (Work it out for yourself. I can’t spell everything out for you.) It is as important as what you call your future kids. (Mind you if you are thinking about what you are going to call your kids during your first date then prepare to never have a second date) Back to the topic at hand, the importance of the first date cannot be overemphasised. 

Don’t roll your eyes at me junior. I know you think you know what you are doing because you have watched a few romantic comedies. Yes of course. The world works in the same way that Jennifer Aniston movies go. The Kenyan context is very unique and no motion picture has ever reflected those circumstances. So here is what you know about what that first date says about you.

a)      Lunch at my place-DO NOT try this unless you are sure you don’t come off as the type to try get some action on the first date. If your eyes are sunken within your head or you have a ghoulish laugh *eye roll and hair toss*(Hehe....where is my cape Igor?) then don’t attempt this. You may turn out sounding like a serial killer picking a victim. If you can cook then this is a perfect way to show off your culinary skills and if she shows up then she shows she trusts you. (or is a complete idiot)

b)      Meet at the movies- The general convention is that when you take a girl out for the first time then it’s either a romantic comedy or a horror film. The former will mean she will be ‘awwing’ the whole time on you and the latter will mean she will be using you as a shield from the blood and guts. Either way the magic words are PHYSICAL CONTACT. Only way this could go wrong is if you end up crying during the romantic comedy or screaming like a baby during the horror film. 

c)       Picnic at the park- Awww how sweet are you? Extra points for actually planning something. If you can avoid the crazy weirdos, the city council employees trying to arrest you, the muggers and the birds swooping in for your food then you are golden. Oh and don’t forget the UON students going on strike. On second thought, just let it be unless you are sure you are pretty fast.

d)      Restaurant- Notice I said restaurant not cafe. McFry’s is where you go when you are sure she is madly in love with you and will never leave you.(she will leave you) But then again if she accepts to go to McFry’s or Sanford then she must really like you. (or she is really hungry and just doesn’t care where she gets food. Be afraid)

e)      Getaway- If you have the cash then you can opt for some special getaway to some lake or cabin where there is no phone reception then you know you are in a horror movie. This means someone will definitely track you down and hack you to death. And nothing puts a damper on the second date like having you both dead. *wince*

As usual I would love to give you more tips but being a bf means I have needs to take care of. I’d love to explain but again privilege excludes some stuff from being disclosed. Maybe we will talk about that next time. Let’s just say it involves celotape, a tyre, three pigs and a German. Take care.