Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I don’t know about you but I love the bad guy in movies. We share a whole lot. He is misunderstood and clearly has delusions of grandeur. But other than that we have just one purpose in life. Taking over the planet. *Insert nefarious laugh here* I mean how simple is that. Taking over the planet. It’s so clear and focused. People go their whole lives trying to figure out their purpose in life. Their path. Their destination on this whole life ride. But the bad guy figures it out pretty early. And their reasons vary but always point to some hidden pain in their past. Maybe the overbearing big brother who makes you feel like a tool (Scar in Lion King), the misunderstood faceless wizard who just wants to breathe (Voldemort), the asthmatic dude who just wants to let his hair down (Darth Vader) or just being Russian. (Like most bad guys in Bond films)

So while the good guy is trying to figure out his humanity or how to raise his kid to become king or how to fight the Matrix, the bad guy is already on his path. He has already figured out which pet to get for that moment when he will turn around in his swivel chair and announce “I’ve been expecting you!” I mean how cool is that? I tried that a couple of times but without a bunny and on the floor. It was nowhere near as awesome and I got a bum rash I couldn’t explain for a while. The bad guy is a bad ass. He gets awesome lines. Consider this from the 007 spy films:

                James Bond: Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger?

                Auric Goldfinger: No Mr. Bond….I expect you to die!

Thursday, August 02, 2012


The Olympics are rigged.

Proud of these chaps.
That simple. I am going to prove it. Pretty simple really. It's like day 5 of the competitions and USA and China are running away with the medals while some countries haven't even seen the medal table. They aspire to have their names written in the general vicinity of the table. In fact if there was a medal stool or couch they would settle for that. Here is how bad thing are. In the couple of days that London 2012 has been going on, China has bagged more medals than Nigeria has gotten in their whole Olympics history. *Jaw drops* Not that Nigeria sucks that much (we are way better than them na haturingi....) but WTF would account for such stats.

I think I have it all figured out. It's all well choreographed so that we think it's a level playing field but if you pay keen attention then it's all a farce. (Farce is such a cool word. It's like farts without the t. Hehe..oh farce) But back to the serious business. The conspiracy starts at the very beginning. The Opening Ceremony. (Cue the crazy woman screaming in the background.) Where do we start? For those of us who stayed up to watch ceremony (Past 3 see like 2 seconds worth of footage on Kenya...bastards!!) you totally know what I mean.