Friday, July 27, 2012

TOP 10 REASONS WHY WE CAN'T FIND PHILLIP MOI

If you've joined in the national search for the ever elusive Phillip moi then you must be wondering what the deal is. After a whole lot of research our moles figured out the top ten reasons for why this dude simply can't be found and why Pluda will spend the rest of her life looking for him. In reverse order of likelihood, they are:



Blurry but the resemblance is uncanny.
10. He is Big Foot and thus comes out only once a year to feed and mate. This is also the time when random white guys go into the woods to try get blurry images of the dude. If that's the case we have 11 months more of waiting. Coincidentally the scientific name for Big Foot is Phillipus Disappearancicus. Coincidence? I think not.

9. Philip Moi is a spy and thus his true identity and whereabouts can't be revealed. His last mission was to infiltrate a super secret organisation known as M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E which stands for the Multiple Arrangament....(It's too complicated.Take my word for it.) He is thus in deep, DEEP, cover and won't be coming out soon.

8. He is chilling out at a Kenyan police station. That's the last place they would ever think of looking for him at. He just sits there all day seeking some form of service and they keep telling him to wait because they are out looking for Philip Moi.

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

THE FIRST DATE:SORRY GIRLS


“Can’t someone invent something for us men to marry other than women?”

Those were words from Fred Flintstone after a particularly frustrating episode with his wife.
They say women are from Venus and men from Mars. This is in apparent reference to the fact that we can never quite understand what is going on in the minds of our female companions. The advantage though of having female friends though is that they talk. A whole lot. The things women share are scary. Absolutely terrifying. But that’s a story for another blogpost. Suffice to say that while a guy will shorten a sexual experience to “I hit that!” the woman has broken it down to her friends in terms of size, shape, length, girth, direction of lean etc etc. The caveat though is that this is very general or I have very slutty female friends. Hehe.

So I decided to look at the opposite side of the penny. A woman’s perspective on the idea of the first date. And the stories I got were hilarious. So I figured maybe I would try to help out both sides of the divide by sharing the mistakes guys make during those first dates. The question I posed was simple enough. What do guys wrong during the first date? These are some of the responses. 

The overtly sexual guy.This the guy who shows up on the first date and already has a nickname for the chic’s boobs. Hey the twins are looking good today. He is the dude who will linger too long on rubbing the shoulders or slip his tongue in her ear when he’s kissing her good night. Sure there might be some good sexual tension but that doesn’t mean you should slip into the chic’s car at the end of the date and growl about how you must simply touch her. That’s rape territory buddy.