Wednesday, November 16, 2011


If you own a car, live in the city or just typically hate people having throw rocks at you then you must have heard that the little imps at the university were on the rampage this week again. It was to be expected after their lecturers went on a 'peaceful' strike earlier only to be caught on camera scaring non-teaching staff who had shown up for work.

So we have no idea why the students went on the rampage. We have even talked to psychologists, psychiatrists and other people who sigh but they couldn't give any headway on this. They seemed to concur that evolution had completely eliminated what has come to be known as the 'UON' doctrine. This stipulates that throwing rocks, having running battles with the cops ('running battles' was coined specifically for those kids) and basically being louts grants you an audience with whoever you want.

It is an indictment of the Kenya education system where you have to sit and wonder how some of these kids made it past nursery school let alone how they got into university. While the Arab Spring was being orchestrated by their age mates, UON are busy trying to figure out who would feature on Kenya's fictional shot putt team in the Olympics next year.

For the sake of innocent Nairobians, I'm gonna highlight the possible reasons for the next strike by our favourite students. Here is a countdown:

10) They felt left out by the surge in Somalia. They figured the government should have sent them there to help launch grenades and other projectiles at the Al Shabaab.

9)  They will get pissed off when people stop referring to the uni as UON or even Patch Uni and it's officially named after Mike Sonko due to the similarity in their behaviour.

8)  Students will get pissed off that the 'c' in miscellaneous is silent. They will go on the rampage demanding that some of these spellings should be compelled to make sense.

7)  Boredom. A boring lecture will set off craziness. But this will be the best strike because the kids will be too bored to throw rocks. So they will just send angry tweets and facebook updates.

6) Sam Ongeri will accidentally demote UON to a district boys only district high school. He won't make it any easier by announcing that they must all be in shorts, vests and sandals as uniform.

5)  They will find out that Hitler and that Soko Ugali guy both went UON. Obviously the Hitler angle will piss them off but the Soko Ugali dude will just push them off the edge.

4)  Aliens shall threaten to destroy the earth after they imply that there is no 'intelligent life' on earth after their first contact will be with a UON student. It will take them a while to understand this though.

3)   They will be pissed off because the 'Party Don't Stop'. They will take out their anger on clubs after days of non-stop parties and their first victims will be Camp Mulla.

2)  Some idiotic media house will break a story about an impending demolition of UON due to the fact that their land belongs to Kenya Airports Authority, Kenya Railways and Kenya Ports Authority. Basically everyone will have a title deed except UON.

1)  They will read this post and not understand most of it. I ask you all to write a great eulogy in that case.


  1. I stopped reading after the words 'UoN Strike' that appear on the title of this it a piece really? Bullcrap sounds more like it..
    Guy, if you got nothing good to rant about I'd advise you to shake your head and feel whats between your ears before pressing the publish button of your blog or whatever you call it

  2. I apologise. I forgot to tell the cops to stop putting guns against people's heads to read this. My bad. Must have been so hard for you. Shaking what's in my ears now and removing any "publish" buttons within my general vicinity.

  3. Jumkit you need to relax and take a joke sometimes....

  4. and number 0 is that they went for christmas and they could not eat ingoho coz price was too high to bare with.

  5. Just stumbled onto your blog today . This iz the second piece I've read. It takes alot to make me laugh out loud so I must hand it to you, you are an exceptional writer! Witty, captivating and very unique... kudoz

  6. of mediocrity...AWESOME READ!!! jumkit doesnt seem to take very well to eulogy is done btw,