Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Puberty hit me early and hard. Very hard. That growth spurt hit me when some kids were still losing their milk teeth and baby fat. It was that early bloomer who was the object of snickers during Home Science lessons when the teacher would whip out a list of ‘symptoms’ of adolescence. I had contracted it earlier than most of my contemporaries. The sudden growth spurt had left me towering over my classmates and my face became a veritable farm, sprouting little pimples on every oily inch. It was torture. Absolute torture.

That said, puberty had a summer romance with me. It was intense and crazy but ultimately it was incomplete. It was a fling. It’s like puberty woke up one day and just decided I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. Just woke up, packed her bags and…(Ok I think you get the relationship metaphors). Point is everyone seemed to catch up and left me behind still looking like a half-formed adult. I swear I have the years to prove it but the body (and at times, the brains) of a child. I am continuously reminded by an evil, evil friend that I need to stop shopping in the 8-15 section in shops because I apparently look like a pedophile. It’s not my fault that it’s the only place I can find fitting clothes. (Disclaimer: My shoes are actually adult sized. I would take pics and post those but that would just seem petty)

Anyway, I’m new to this whole “adult” thing. It’s confusing because every single time I will look in the mirror, some child looks back at me. Sure I can do adult things like changing myself and maybe even feeding myself but past there, it’s pretty much all gibberish. Worried that I might be the only one afflicted by this ‘fake adult’ syndrome, I confided in my friend and found that the situation was worse than I thought. Not only was she being mistakenly being given adult titles (aunty, siste, madam), she was  also she was hiding a deep, dark secret. Pace yourself. This may blow your mind. She still has her BABY KNEES. I mean those cutely disgusting things that haven’t formed into hard tough knee joints. She’s been masquerading as an adult for a while now. OH THE HUMANITY!

It’s a scary state of being. Going around like you know what you are doing. I still laugh when I have to put my signature on stuff. Looks like a squiggly doodle that was made while intoxicated on Yokozuna. Who decided that once you get to 18, you should know what is going to happen and have stuff figured out? I am worried there are a lot of us out there. Living in the shadows. Afraid to stand up and say they are also fake adults or ‘fadults’. All hope is not lost though. This can all be remedied with just a few classes. Or maybe a guide book to being an adult. 

The guidebook would contain some of the important adult stuff like how to queue in a bank, pay utility bills, hum along to old songs, buy furniture and gossip. Or how to send telegraphic money orders (sounds so made up), or invest in illegal brews without stirring up interest from the authorities. The list is endless. We need to start talking about this disease or else pretty soon, we are heading the way of the dodo…I WANT MY MUMMY. Don’t wanna go dodo…But then again, it can't be that big a deal. I mean Sonko is an adult and he's doing fine, isn't he?


  1. I'm on the other end of that spectrum but boy is it scary!!

  2. Other end being you are too adult?

  3. Can we write the guide? So true. Paying elec bills stumps me. I know, I know.