Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Robinson Githae is a man of many talents. Chief among them is the fact that he is head of a ministry which is also being run by the mayor of Nairobi. Basically, he is the mayor minus the chair throwing since Minister of Nairobi Metropolitan just allows him to dream about what the city will be like if it wasn't Nairobi. I love those artist renditions of the city with trains going through buildings and dogs barking upside down and parks in fictitious shades of green.

But I totally digress. I wouldn't bring up Githae if I didn't have something bigger to talk about. Last week he was quoted (he is never misquoted) as saying Uhuru Kenyatta's wealth was greatly exaggerated by Forbes list of Africa's Top 40 Richest Africans. Check that list here. Anyway Mayor Githae implied that Uhuru's political enemies are out to get making him sound rich. *clears throat*.

Before I even go into that lets look at the other presidential race. Herman Cain is almost pulling out (hehe) of the race because of the many women accusing him of sexual harassment dating back decades. Newt Gingrich was being targeted because he divorced his wife while she was recovering from cancer. Rick Perry got into trouble over his inability to function as a human being with a brain.

But in Kenya, apparently if you are rumored to be rich then people are out to get you. So it's cool to be assumed poor. Shhh keep it on the down low or else Sinai residents will all run for elective office. It's about being seen as a man of the people. Githae goes on to say that UK owns a shamba and a few cows and goats while the political enemies in Forbes say that he is worth an estimated $500 million. But the best is left for last when he says that if UK was actually that rich then it would be awesome and we should elect him since he won't steal money. The hell?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


If you own a car, live in the city or just typically hate people having throw rocks at you then you must have heard that the little imps at the university were on the rampage this week again. It was to be expected after their lecturers went on a 'peaceful' strike earlier only to be caught on camera scaring non-teaching staff who had shown up for work.

So we have no idea why the students went on the rampage. We have even talked to psychologists, psychiatrists and other people who sigh but they couldn't give any headway on this. They seemed to concur that evolution had completely eliminated what has come to be known as the 'UON' doctrine. This stipulates that throwing rocks, having running battles with the cops ('running battles' was coined specifically for those kids) and basically being louts grants you an audience with whoever you want.

It is an indictment of the Kenya education system where you have to sit and wonder how some of these kids made it past nursery school let alone how they got into university. While the Arab Spring was being orchestrated by their age mates, UON are busy trying to figure out who would feature on Kenya's fictional shot putt team in the Olympics next year.

For the sake of innocent Nairobians, I'm gonna highlight the possible reasons for the next strike by our favourite students. Here is a countdown:

10) They felt left out by the surge in Somalia. They figured the government should have sent them there to help launch grenades and other projectiles at the Al Shabaab.

Friday, November 11, 2011


I threw myself in this presidential race a while ago and I’ve been pretty quiet over the last couple of months. This is mostly due to the fact that I have no need to have rocks thrown at me in ‘enemy territory’ or to have my name dragged through the mud in whatever scandals. I’ve also been avoiding trials of all sorts so I guess it’s about time I broke the silence.

I have been watching the American elections with keen interest especially since they will take place at about the same time as ours. It’s full of intrigue as the media and rivals find dirt on the front runners to hurt their chances in the polls. It’s actually pretty funny if you think about it. First it was Rick Perry who has been found to be a total idiot due to his debate performances.

 For real, he had a blank moment during a debate and just finished by saying “Ooops!” Oooops? For the dude who might get nuclear launch codes? Sure. He also got into trouble over his dad having ownership of a place that had a racist name. Then there is Herman Cain who is the current front runner but is being faced by allegations of sexual harassment. Not by one person or two. But by four or five people. More to come.

So in a way I am lucky the Kenyan political scene is more forgiving than the American one. Here we are good with murderers and thieves as long as they speak the same language and basically do nothing for our wellbeing. It helps to have low expectations. But we are becoming a bit more politically aware so things might have changed by the next polls. So I figured I should come clean to the electorate so no scandals will show up next year. I’m coming clean on all the stuff that could used against me pretty soon.