ICC VERDICT:GFF TUMECHOKA!

Kenya has gone into another frenzy. Pangas are being sharpened and we are all sitting around our radios waiting for word. Our every waking moments...and even some sleepy ones are dedicated to these thoughts of the impending doom and gloom that are coming. Or at least that is what the media would have us think. It's been a full week of ICC previews. The headlines have been so imaginative to go along with this mood set up in the country. Sample some: GSU on Red Alert, Judgement Day, The Hour Of Reckoning and Escape From Transylvania.

Ok so maybe I made up the last one but the point has been made. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Citizen sent Alex Chamwada over to the Hague and the guy has been roaming around the streets trying to send us updates on something that isn't really happening. I can imagine him sitting on some random corner trying to figure out how to twist things so that it doesn't sound like the same drivel he told us the day before.

"Ummm....errrr....today the judges didn't make a ruling but tomorrow they might. Or they might not. And whether or not they do, we will be here ready to bring it to you LIVE!" he says with that self-satisfied smile on his face. In his head all he is thinking about is one more day away from Nairobi. I'd love to know how much Citizen is paying to keep him there. I'm sure he started out in a nice place and with everyday he is being downgraded and by now he must be living in hobo's SQ to save money.


The television stations are falling over each other trying to get that scoop that will get them more viewers. Prime time news is littered with anchors telling us how they have every angle covered. Ruto and Uhuru must have camera crews attached to them. The other four aren't really that important apparently. But some are going the extra mile. We are here live with Joshua Sang's cow as we await the ruling from the ICC. We have in studio Francis Muthaura's primary school teacher with his views on the ICC verdict. We have that guy from jana who said the thing about ICC to say it again.

And then to make it worse the opinion questions make sure we don't forget what's going on...or rather what's not going on. A few include; When will the ICC make a decision? Unafikiria ni leo? Nani atashikwa? Is this thing on? Was the ICC closed? Kati ya Man-U na Arsenali, ni gani inafaa kwenda ICC? So maybe I embellished a little bit but the point is still made.

For the last couple of days, every news bulletin has began with someone telling Kenyans to be calm no matter what the ICC ruling is. Who said we were tense to begin with? And they wonder why people continue to be apathetic to the situation. Because you are drowning us in it. Mschew. (Yes I just went there.) Do I care about the process? Yes. Absolutely. Does it keep me up at night? Not in the least. I hope justice is served but until that is done would you please just give us 'tense' Kenyans a break. *Changes channel to k24 to watch porn aka Connect*