I know you guys were pretty busy last week with the whole Esther Arunga and Hellon saga which means you missed out on more important news; Tiger Woods' apology. It was given to a room of 15 journalists and if you missed it, here is what he said verbatim. Nothing has been altered in this;
Hey guys. Lisa, Andrea, Mandy and Sandy. Hey Cynthia,Mary, Nancy, Terry, Denise. Danielle (mouthing 'call me'). I'm sure you all know why we are here. No Danielle. Put I back on. Not here. (Mouthing 'I said Call me'). Anyway it is with deep sadness that I stand before you. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed by what has happened and so I want to put the details out there. So much has been said and asked about the events that led up to the fateful night of November 27th so I will come clean.
I would first like to indicate my sincere apologies to my wife.....my wife.....sorry the name is on the tip of my tongue. Starts with an E. Yes Esther. Sorry Elin. Come on guys. Give me a break. Enough with the surprise. I would like to clarify that despite most media reports, Elin did not hit me with a golf club. The black eye I got was as a result of my carelessness when I slipped, fell and fell in Elin's path while she was perfecting her golf swing. And from the contact I can confirm that she requires very little practice.
People have asked why I did what I did and I think it's hard to come up with a good answer. See it's a rich thing. You guys wouldn't get it. I am so lonely being the best and it gets so old. The guys in the locker room had a running competition to see who could make the most holes in one. In retrospect I figure it wasn't a euphemism. But still I beat them either way. He he. Sorry........
Why fifteen women? Well to be totally honest fifteen are the ones you know about. Actually it was my fans. I have been called cold and snobby by people just because of my money. And I didn't want to seem to ignore any region. In that respect big up to the two women in the east coast, west coast, down south and mid west. If you feel your region was misrepresented or underrepresented then call my apology hotline on +1 800 CLUB WOOD. Operators are standing by.
And I have heard the nay sayers ask if sex addiction really is a valid excuse. Does it exist? Of course it does and that is what I'm getting treatment for. They are using a whole lot of meditation to treat my condition and when that fails they just kick you in the jewels. While some of you might wince, I'll have you know that it has helped and that I've only had 'romantic liasons and/or indiscretions' with six women since I went into rehab.
I am already on my way to recovery with new endorsements to replace the ones I lost recently. Speaking of which, Gilette and Accenture, I'm gonna be practising my swing near your executives soon. At any rate I have received backing from Durex condoms, Viagra and G4S.The first two are kinda obvious. Yeah high five. (clearing throat). The last is some Kenyan company which apparently doesn't know how to keep secrets. (Wink.Wink)
I am going to be better. Thank you ladies......oh sorry and gentlemen. See you around. I will get better.