THE BOYFRIEND FILES: THE TALK!!

I guess you want to understand women. Well the truth is you never will. They are like Supaongea, you never understand how it works, you just go along with it and enjoy the parts that work for you. My lady of the house is an enigma wrapped up in a deluge of confusion. Point in case. After pursuing her for months and getting shot down time and time again, I finally got her attention by calling her ‘the ugliest woman I’ve ever met’. For my troubles I got a slap and more attention. See? Totally senseless.

Ok so I guess by now you have figured that you are with this girl but until the talk is done, you will never be sure. You are sure to get the whole ‘I don’t see a ring on this finger’ speech when her facebook update still shows her being single months after you started dating. The talk is the ugliest and most awkward thing ever invented. Actually it comes in second. Most awkward has to be waking up to find yourself cuddling with a man after drinking all night. But that’s a long and uncomfortable story that I’m still getting therapy for.

So. The Talk. Contrary to common thought, the talk doesn’t have to be verbal. It is a contract which goes beyond words. So yeah you can be an adult about it and sit down and go through with it the old fashioned way or you could indulge in the more cutting edge approach. Curious? Here are the options you have at your disposal and the pros and cons;

1. Sending a relationship request on FB. Pros: Distant so if you get rejected she won’t see your tears. You can also just claim you were kidding later or that it was accidental. Cons: If she rejects it then there’ll probably be tears. It’s impersonal so she’ll think you’re a jerk and reject it.

2. Asking your friend to ask her for you. Pros: She won’t say no to your face. Cons: She’ll think you are still in kindergarten and send your friend back to slap you and reject you either way.

3. Texting. Pros: Cheap. Cons: CHEAP. Oh there’s also a record of your stupidity that is bound to be shared with friends who will bless with the giggle every time you are spotted cowering after she rejects you.

4. . Pros: Almost kinda maybe personal touch. You can claim later that it was a wrong number. Cons: You gotta listen to her fumble for words to turn you down including the ‘my battery is dying’, ‘I’m going through a tunnel and losing network’ and ‘my phone is on fire’.

The choice is pretty much yours. Either way the talk is going to suck for you unless the answer is yes. How did I do mine? Well I’m the old fashioned type. I’m very sensitive about being the man in the relationship and taking charge. So yeah I asked my mum to do it for me. It worked.