PAID A MILLION FOR YOU. NOW YOU HAVE TO.........

Women tend to be picky and it’s something that men have kinda gotten used to when it comes to the dating world. We listen to them with bemused smiles when they read off that list that holds the attributes of one Charming. First name Prince. It’s like watching a child tell you how he wants to be an astronaut. You don’t just crush their dream. You listen and encourage them despite the fact that you know the odds are pretty much astronomical. (Half-irony there; astronaut and astronomical, get it?) Then you smile when they become petrol stop attendants. (metaphor hidden here)

So yeah back to the list. The trinity is the one we are used to. Tall, dark and handsome. (I’m only sure I’m dark. Definitely not tall and the handsome depends on how drunk you are.) So there at least I know where I stand. More stuff has come up along the way. Must be funny, sensitive, a good cook, great in bed, a good guy with bad boy tendencies and the staple now.....financially stable. Which brings me to the “Ponyoka na Millioni” dowry girl.

Now I get the whole point of wanting a man who can pay the bills. But setting your price before you find the man? And that price? *finger snap* Girl you’re trippin’. Then again I have seen men who said they can afford it so I won’t get into an argument about whether or not she is a gold digger (She’s not messing with no broke ni%$a) I’m just saying if I have to fork out a cool milli *child screaming* then here is what you should be able to do in return;

1)     Bark like a dog. A big dog. (Coming to America, anyone?). It’s not some whim. I get soothed to sleep by the sound of barking canines.

2)  Accept that I’m right all the time but especially when I’m wrong. You saw dirty texts on my phone? You probably sent them.

3) Contort your body into all sorts of shapes. Why? Because I want you to join a gymnastics team. *wink*Children might be reading this.

4)     Fill in for Ryan Giggson the pitch when he is busy having affairs with thirty six other women.

5)   Nod and smile whenever there is a sports reference on the television. I never want to have to explain the offside rule ever again.

6)     Always assume you are not fat or ugly so that you never have to ask those silly questions.....well unless you get really fat and ugly.

7)     Start every single day with...”Babe I love you because you paid one million for me!” and maybe throw in a dance or two.

I’d go to ten but then I figure, why should I? I just paid a million for a girl. She can finish the rest for me........