NI KUNOMA:ECONOMIC BLUES

I had dinner at this swanky restaurant the other day. Swanky here denotes that there were tables and chairs as opposed to a shady spot under a tree. So anyway, after a hearty meal I had to settle my bill on the way out and then things got a bit hairy. While things have been getting thick economically, others have been getting thinner. I found this out the hard way when I had to pay for four chapatis. To save money, they had made the darn things half as thin for the same price. But the girl next to me just thought I was a hog.

The shilling is on a free fall. Like a fat kid diving for the last bit of cake or like Mike Sonko's IQ dropping whenever there is a camera crew around. Big up to Treasury and the Central Bank for doing stuff to help stall the drop. Our sources inside these places tell us that technocrats have been burning the midnight oil to turn the tide and thus some new economic policies have been announced to the public. These include crossing fingers, blaming those other guys and my personal favourite, NOT doing anything because it will sort itself out.

We are starting to feel the pinch though and with that comes the conspiracy theories. Is it aliens? Are guys filling up their war chests for the next elections? Is it blatant stupidity by the government? Ours is the worst performing currency. IN THE WORLD! Mind you, it's not the most worthless. Just the worst performing. That's after countries like Iran, North Korea and even Uganda despite the fact that they are still in 1957 as evidenced by UBC's coverage of last week's match. Yeah the Uganda bit hurts. It doesn't hurt quite as much when you are being beaten by military dictatorships.

PAID A MILLION FOR YOU. NOW YOU HAVE TO.........

Women tend to be picky and it’s something that men have kinda gotten used to when it comes to the dating world. We listen to them with bemused smiles when they read off that list that holds the attributes of one Charming. First name Prince. It’s like watching a child tell you how he wants to be an astronaut. You don’t just crush their dream. You listen and encourage them despite the fact that you know the odds are pretty much astronomical. (Half-irony there; astronaut and astronomical, get it?) Then you smile when they become petrol stop attendants. (metaphor hidden here)

So yeah back to the list. The trinity is the one we are used to. Tall, dark and handsome. (I’m only sure I’m dark. Definitely not tall and the handsome depends on how drunk you are.) So there at least I know where I stand. More stuff has come up along the way. Must be funny, sensitive, a good cook, great in bed, a good guy with bad boy tendencies and the staple now.....financially stable. Which brings me to the “Ponyoka na Millioni” dowry girl.