TOP TEN EXCUSES OVER FPE SCAM

Since there is so much heat being thrown around by the media over the Ksh 4.2 Billion (Dear Mr. Uhuru Kenyatta that is read as 4.2 billion Kenya shillings not Kenya shillings 4.2 Billion) I decided to take a moment and reflect. Sam Ongeri has categorically stated that he will not resign over this scandal and his PS is denying that there is one to begin with. (Hakuna pesa imeibiwa)

This morning Prof. Sam said he has no power as a minister to investigate the scam (which is true. He is paid over a million shillings to look pretty in parliament) He has left it to the police who we, as Kenyans, trust implicitly to sort this out in a very short time....like how they have sorted out AngloLeasing, Goldenberg (still hunting down Pattni? Watch him preach on Sunday morning) and even the Samuel Wanjiru debacle. (he jumped..no he was pushed..no he is still alive)




But until then here are a few suggestions for the minister and PS to use for when those pesky journalists ask annoying questions about the missing money. This might come in handy.

1. Missing? What do you mean missing? Who is missing it?

2. Kama it’s Free Primary Education then how can there be money to pay for it?

3. Hizi ni story za Hague. Ocampo is out to get us. We are a sovereign nation.

4. Vision 2030 calls for bigger and better things. Hata scams get bigger and better.

5. At least it’s not 4.3B.

6. It’s because we have a gay Chief Justice.

7.Count to 4.2 billion then I will explain.

8. Me no speak English. No seriously, I have no idea what your inquiry concerns.

9.Wait. What’s that? Look behind you. For real. Look.

10. Ati where did my 52 new BMW’s come from? Who wants to know?

Sam I think you are innocent by the way.......I'm on your side. Obviously the money is still there. It is just invisible to the naked eye (read mwananchi wa kawaida or wanjiku.) Stick to your guns. Remember when Kimunya said he'd rather die than resign? Well I have been to his grave lately.