KEEPING UP WITH THE KENYANS

E! is just one of those channels that makes you feel like you are gradually getting dumber every single time you watch it. I can actually feel brain cells sizzle and die each time my remote somehow tricks me into switching channels. It’s true. It’s actually caused a strained relationship between us. I don’t understand why I would wanna know the effects of Justin Beiber’s new haircut or how Natalie Portman’s baby bump is awesome or whether or not Robert Pattinson is faking his humility. The long and short of it is  that I end up wanting to stab myself with something ridiculously blunt.

But then again you don’t have to turn to E! to get the best of entertainment with respect to reality television. On this side of the globe, we call it the news and we have servings all through the day.  The antics of this great nation are plastered on the half hour shows called bulletins where drama meets stupidity and then the two are introduced to craziness. Place it against all those shows on E! and that stuff looks like it was made for kindergarten. Now, Kenyan reality? That’s for the big boys. That would win a Grammy, Oscar, Golden Globe and Emmy every single year.

This past week, the show has had twists and turns that would have Jerry Bruckheimer foaming at the mouth with jealous rage. One such episode featured the Prof, a character with mystical powers of healing. That notwithstanding, illness befell him and he found himself seeking the services of a healer from another village. On television, he was spotted eating and drinking fine wine while he was painted as a victim. Upon his return, he remembered that his healing powers were more mythical than mystical and promised to provide every single person with a carriage while forgetting that not everyone owned a horse.

The chief of the village was also confusing the village idiots with his double and triple speak. Seated high in his regal chair, he could hardly see what was going with his subjects. His closest advisors were accused of misdeeds without realizing that maybe the chief was simply an idiot. But hey, what’s seventy million shillings amongst friends when it’s used for stupid purposes? His co-ruler wasn’t any better. Seems like every single time he opened his mouth, the wrath of the gods would smite the nation, and day would turn into night for weeks.

The funniest though was the deputy chief who also served as the court jester. His friends knew him as the conduit between man and the beyond. His edges were smooth and despite his wit and charm, he seemed to live oblivious to the fact that behind his every friend was a knife tucked away waiting for his back. Were this an episode of ‘Survivor’, everyone would be holding up his name for elimination.

The conflict this past week has revolved around a couple of suspected rustlers and the subjects seemed to have an issue with the way the chief was handling it. To put it into perspective, were it King Solomon he would have smacked the baby and paid the wrong mother because she was secretly his lover. But yeah it remains to be seen how the gods will work this out. But yeah even the gods might get tired of this bunch of idiots.  Tune in next week. Going by trends, it promises to be a scorcher…..