Thursday, March 31, 2011


The cops are back on the news for all the wrong reasons. It would be funny if it wasn’t totally sad. Cops around the country are going on a rampage shooting their bosses and it’s making headlines everywhere. I don’t know about you but that would freak me out every time I would be up for promotion. The list of every single dude I’d pissed off would run through my mind and then I’d respectfully decline the offer. I’m guessing the extra money would count for very little when you have a bullet lodged in your brain. Pressure cooker doesn’t begin to describe the situation. While in other jobs, your boss is the subject of idle and angry gossip at the water cooler, in the police force, he is the having a heart attack every single time a car has a loud puncture.

Then there is the whole thing about the drug haul recovered from the Coast this past weekend. First, did anyone notice how high that OCPD was when he was answering questions about the stash? His eyes were darting everywhere and his sentences made less sense than normal.

“Yes, we found the ndrugs”

“Yes, a lot of ndrungs.”

“Hehe ngoond ndrugs…”

Then for some reason they always call up the Police Commissioner to confirm the EXACT same thing that the guy had just said. Funny thing though is that Matt Iteere still looks like a virgin when it comes to the media. Stands in front of the cameras while the cops behind him decide when they are going to shoot him. Then there’s always some brown noser standing behind him nodding in agreement to everything he is saying. Like every single word out of his mouth would save the planet. He gets shot next.

Back to the drugs. When they left Coast they weighed 196 kg and when they got to the city they had shrunk to 106 kg. No one can explain why. So I’m guessing they were all misquoted when they gave the first figures. My personal thought about the initial figure is that there were already 4 kg missing. Drug barons tend to like round figures. Ask those MP’s.

Anyway 90 kg of heroin disappears and there are no answers. Where did it go? Have you noticed how weirdly mellow cops have been this week? Too many smiles when they arrest and harass you and those lingering touches? They are totally stoned. That’s why traffic this week has been especially horrible. They are too busy checking out how their hands look all cosmic when they wave in front of them.

Lastly, there has been much said about the proposed changes to the police curriculum. I was like “ What?” These guys have a curriculum to begin with? I figured they were just put into a whole for three days and asked to say "kijana, afande, unacheza na nani, unajifanya mwerevu and lala chini.” Oh yeah and I would swear that there is a guy who teaches them how to adopt that Kale accent.

So now they have to go through 15 months of training and 3 months internship. A cop at internship? Funny just thinking about it.  Dude shows up at the office early in the morning and is treated like the fresher and they have to fake little crimes for him to solve just so he can feel better about himself. I’d better stop though. There’s only so much fun you can have at the expense of people who lug around AK47’s.

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant.  Bloody bloody brilliant.  This should be at the top of the list of fan faves, I shall now singlehandedly endeavour to make it so...