Friday, February 18, 2011


We love to gossip. The idea of finding out something about someone behind their backs just keeps the world going. Extra points if the ‘someone’ portrays a completely different image of who they are. So yeah it’s less fun when we find out that Jeff Koinange is a massive egomaniac but much better if we find out that he has a love child with Bishop Margaret Wanjiru. Wink wink. I’m not saying it’s true……..

So yeah Wikileaks pulled a fast one on the American diplomatic core with the massive leak of diplomatic cables.If you are tuned in to the news you must have found out the stuff that Uncle Sam thinks about the Kenyan government. We are a corruption-filled swamp with goons for political leadership ad infinitum ad nauseam. But then the really good stuff hasn’t reached the Kenyan public and so we bring it to you exclusively. The dirt. The power behind the corridors of power.

Think you know what’s happening? Well here is the truth.

Raila > Kibaki: Hey dude. Finished your nap? Wanna go poke Kalonzo and make fun of his moustache?

Judge Ian > Gaelle: Wanna do something after the show tonight?

Ruto > Ocampo: Now why won’t you reply my facebook friend request. If you don’t want it just let me know. This thing about keeping it pending is just mean.

Ruto > Raila: Me. You. After work. Tutaona nani first body……

Muthaura > Media: It wasn’t me!

Kibaki > Uhuru: Wanna get rid of Kalonzo. Send him around Africa for a couple of days. Dude is so needy.

Kalonzo > Kalonzo’s Wife: See? He does like me. He’s sending me on a trip. In your face!!

Nuru Guy > Nuru Guy’s Mum: Seriously mum……You’re sure I don’t look gay in that advert? You wouldn’t lie to me right?

Nuru Guy’s Mum > Nuru Guy’s sis: Your brother looks so gay on telly.

Safcom CEO > Airtel CEO: Where can I get a sim card? Keep it hush hush.

Mr. Mututho > Mrs. Mututho: Told you I’d find a way of getting our kid to stop drinking!

R. Kelly> Amani: Was wondering if you wanna come back and feelanga free with me.

Isaac Ruto > William Ruto: You think people will mind if we start holding hands in public?

Berlusconi > Clinton: So how did you survive that whole Lewinsky thing? Yeah mine’s a hooker. That said, at least she’s kept her mouth shut.

Esther Murugi > Esther Murugi: Blah blah (Insert offensive remarks of your choice)

Lucy Kibaki > Muthaura: I swear if the recording we made leaks out you are dead. That video is for your eyes only.

Muthaura > Lucy Kibaki: Ooops

Raila > Orengo: These people think I run the world. Yeah it’s sad. What time should we make the sun rise tomorrow?

Mugabe > Mubarak: Told you I’d beat your Top Score!! Sucker!

Mubarak > Mugabe: @#$%$ you!

Kiraitu > Ruto: Ati what’s happening in Egypt? How can we pin this on him? Are any railways missing?

1 comment:

  1. LOL. I love this. Satire is definitely your niche.