Wednesday, August 24, 2011


So get this. I'm becoming a celebrity and no I don't mean like that Hemedi guy from Tz. I mean a real celebrity. I have made the headlines of every single major newspaper and news show. (Yes even that Kiss TV news where they are sitting behind a child's desk.Or maybe it's Kids TV news and they just misspelt it?) Even Julie Gichuru is in on the fray. Aaaaah Julie....we'd make such sweet children.

I've led a pretty sedate life until now. My days were spent staring back at people while they tried to grab me. Sure, that wasn't too exciting but it's my life. Once in a while I would get really great days where I would watch mothers push their little kids on trolleys and the little things would just lose it. I keep hoping to see one of the parents stuff the children on the shelves and just walk away. Hehe. Sorry it tends to get boring. I need to entertain myself somehow. After all it's not easy being a bag of sugar.

I've been getting weird looks from people in the recent past and I think that is tied in with my new found celebrity status. They keep walking up to my display and looking at me before shaking their heads and walking away. One woman just erupted into hysterical laughter, pointed at me and then took off muttering about not being able to afford me because of a ksh 100,000 bribe.*shrug* I'm told I've been promised to a girl for Valentine's Day. Apparently it's a romantic gesture now and things like roses, chocolate and jewellery are now falling in line behind me. Wanna impress a girl with the big spending? I'm the bag for you.

But I have been getting the same kinds of stories from around the neighborhood. Those Unga boys from across the street are going through the same stuff. And the Mchele sisters have been on top of the world since their dad increased the value to be offered for their dowry. The humans just seem to be complaining about everything and not many of us are going home with them. In fact, the other day, they seemed to have people guarding us and restricting how many of us could be taken. But then I understand because with some of the looks I've been getting I'm sure some people want to pick me up and run out without giving the nice man at the cashier those colourful bits of paper.

But I don't understand it. What's the fuss about? If the paper isn't enough why don't they just get more? I keep hearing rumours about humans who are paid not to work. But I'm also told they are brutes because someone constantly has to shout "Order!" Peculiar. And if that's not the case, it's not like they can't find alternatives. My cousin Cane can be chewed with that tea thing they drink and he is sweet enough. Those humans who have a sweet tooth can just suck on it. Truth be told, the Unga boys don't look that tasty to me so I have no idea why anyone would complain about them. I'm also told the humans eat not once or twice but three times a day. If you ask me, that is just greedy. Shame on them.

I don't know much about the humans though so I won't pretend to solve their problems. I'm enjoying my time in the limelight. It's funny though that the big fat humans don't seem to be talking about me. They seem preoccupied with who is going to replace the slow guy who talks about chicken poop. They made a committee of the brutes and they went around the country spending colourful papers asking people why no one could afford me. So far no one has answers. Funny little people those brutes are. And the little thin ones seem to stop breathing for some funny reason. They just fall asleep and won't wake up. I just think they are very lazy.

Oh wait...I think someone is coming for me. Finally. I get to leave this place. It's been a while. See you guys. Hehehe. I knew I would be taken first. Damn. She's putting me back. I guess my cousin Cane is going home today again. Oh well I don't mind being on the front page. At this rate, I might be there for a while.

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