HUNGRY FOR HUNGER

So get this. I'm becoming a celebrity and no I don't mean like that Hemedi guy from Tz. I mean a real celebrity. I have made the headlines of every single major newspaper and news show. (Yes even that Kiss TV news where they are sitting behind a child's desk.Or maybe it's Kids TV news and they just misspelt it?) Even Julie Gichuru is in on the fray. Aaaaah Julie....we'd make such sweet children.

I've led a pretty sedate life until now. My days were spent staring back at people while they tried to grab me. Sure, that wasn't too exciting but it's my life. Once in a while I would get really great days where I would watch mothers push their little kids on trolleys and the little things would just lose it. I keep hoping to see one of the parents stuff the children on the shelves and just walk away. Hehe. Sorry it tends to get boring. I need to entertain myself somehow. After all it's not easy being a bag of sugar.

UGALI: THE OTHER WHITE GOLD!!

Once in a while I watch business shows and watch the pundits go crazy over the price of oil while colourful graphs on the screen give the audience reference points. If the graph says it’s true then it’s true. The talking heads will break down the cause and effect of the price of the barrel of oil while the graph spikes in either direction.....usually northwards. Economics for dummies.

With the price of maize flour going through the roof, Kenyan news should take up the mantle. A typical show would begin with those half baked graphics local tv is known for. Starving children, cows asking why, government officials confused and farmers doing cartwheels would flash past the screen before the text emblazoned in red: MAIZE WATCH. Graphs would show up while the anchor tells us how we are going to die soon. I can imagine Larry (unnecessary pause) Madowo going crazy using big words to say what we can all see. No more ugali.