KENYAN JUSTICE LEAGUE

I've said over and over that I was brought up by television. Most people think it's a joke but it's actually the truth. As soon as I was born my parents dropped me in front of a television set and gave that dusty Greatwall the work of turning me into a human being. The sarcastic, sociopath here today is the result of that process. 

Anyway during that whole process, I was completely enamoured by the idea of the superhero. The world through their eyes was so simple. Good always fighting evil and winning. I wanted to be part of Gotham City and watch Batman beat up The Joker or be a citizen of Metropolis where I would chill for Superman to fight bad guys and bring balance to those chaotic streets. I think the only place where I didn't wanna be was Spiderman's New York because I think webs are kinda gross.

If you think back, there was never an African superhero. Ok I don't know if we can count Kwame from the Captain Planet. For those of you who don't know he was one of the planeteers who came together to call upon Captain Planet. He was from Ghana but he doesn't count because he doesn't even count as a side kick. In fact he was a ring bearer. Anyway spurred by jealousy, I imagined these superheroes in the Kenyan context and  tried to figure out how they would fair. It recently just hit me that it would be an absolute disaster. Our society is simply not made for them. With the help of some tv junkies we figured out how they would totally be screwed by our version of reality.

SUPERMAN INTERVIEW

Hot Monday afternoon and an interview panel sits across an expansive oak table. The CEO, the HR manager & the Head of Department leaf through files arranged on the paper. As one interviewee walks out, the secretary scans the list for the next individual. 

“Kent,” she calls out “Is there a Mr. Clark Kent here?” 

                Silence.

She repeats the name but no response. Then she walks back into the conference room to inform the interview panel that Clark Kent is unavailable only to find a rather strapping young fellow seated in front of the panel. He turns back to look at her and smiles warmly, instantly ridding her of the scowl she had on her face. 

                “Are you…?” she begins to ask to which he nods.

                “I am Clark Kent,” he says rather loudly. “But you can call me Superman.”

He turns to the panel and their mouths are agape. He is still in his Superman costume complete with the cape which, despite the lack of a draught in the room, seems to be fluttering in some invisible wind. He is seated up. Ramrod straight. His chest puffed out. His eyes fixed on the three members of the panel. The Head of Department still has her hand on her chest, breathing deeply. Then the question begins.

CEO:      Yes Mr. Kent….

CK:         Please sir….Superman…Mr. Kent is my father.

CEO:      (determined) MR.KENT…I see your resume information isn’t exactly what we would call…normal.

CK:         Well sir. That really depends on what you would define as normal.

CEO:      You listed “Everywhere” as your residential address. What does that mean?

CK:         Well when you can move at the speed of light you can pretty much live wherever you want. I woke up in Arkansas this morning and had breakfast in New York, rescued a lady in India two hours ago and was just busy beating up thugs in Moscow. That’s why I was 3 seconds late. I apologise.

HOD:     (breathing ever so slowly). You listed “super strength” under your strengths…

CK:         (walks up to HOD and lifts her off her feet) That’s what I mean. (he sets her down and she goes into more of a daze)