OLYMPICS RIGGED...GO TEAM KENYA!!

The Olympics are rigged.

Proud of these chaps.

That simple. I am going to prove it. Pretty simple really. It's like day 5 of the competitions and USA and China are running away with the medals while some countries haven't even seen the medal table. They aspire to have their names written in the general vicinity of the table. In fact if there was a medal stool or couch they would settle for that. Here is how bad thing are. In the couple of days that London 2012 has been going on, China has bagged more medals than Nigeria has gotten in their whole Olympics history. *Jaw drops* Not that Nigeria sucks that much (we are way better than them na haturingi....) but WTF would account for such stats.

I think I have it all figured out. It's all well choreographed so that we think it's a level playing field but if you pay keen attention then it's all a farce. (Farce is such a cool word. It's like farts without the t. Hehe..oh farce) But back to the serious business. The conspiracy starts at the very beginning. The Opening Ceremony. (Cue the crazy woman screaming in the background.) Where do we start? For those of us who stayed up to watch ceremony (Past 3 am...to see like 2 seconds worth of footage on Kenya...bastards!!) you totally know what I mean.


There were 205 nations involved in the parade. Two hundred and freaking five. We got somewhere in the T's and the announcer mentioned that there were sixty something countries left and I started wondering when Mars sending delegations to the games. Do you know how many countries are really in the world? 12. That's Kenya, the rest of East Africa, West Africa, USA, China, India, the rest of Asia, Australia, South Africa, South America, Europe and obviously Kazakhstan. (Ahhhh Borat. Good times) So where did the other...*counting fingers*...many countries come from? The answer is simple. IMAGINATION.

They didn't even put a whole lot of though into the made up names. Sample this. Federated States of Micronesia. Nauru.(Nyahururu?) Saint Kitts and Nevis.(Sounds like a children's book) Saint Vincent and the Grenadines. (Punk rock group). Narnia and the Middle Kingdom will show up in 2016. The point? Divide and conquer.

This is why we don't do synchronised diving.Hizo faces!!!

Then check the numbers. Russia and USA sent hundreds of athletes. China is basically empty. They are all in London. (I would go with the hypothesis that there is only one Chinese athlete in London who is just awesome at everything but that sounds kinda racist since we are assuming they all look alike.Tihihi) Anyway there is no one left in China which is why you won't see news from China while the Olympics are on.

Don't even get me started about the games there. How do you expect David 'fyatu fyangu' Rudisha to compete in synchronized swimming? Most Kenyans can't even spell equestrian let alone know what it would be about. And unless fencing is turned into a sport about jumping over fences then you can count us out. The games that involve guns would get us jailed if we ever dreamt about participating.

So that shows just how rigged things are. But you know what? I don't really care. I will stand up proud whenever a Kenyan shows up on screen. (For those idiots who think Jason Dunford's skin colour disqualifies him, you can shove a cactus somewhere the sun doesn't shine). Go team Kenya. Let the flag fly and the words of our national anthem ring out with every win.