THE FIRST DATE:SORRY GIRLS

“Can’t someone invent something for us men to marry other than women?”

Those were words from Fred Flintstone after a particularly frustrating episode with his wife.

They say women are from Venus and men from Mars. This is in apparent reference to the fact that we can never quite understand what is going on in the minds of our female companions. The advantage though of having female friends though is that they talk. A whole lot. The things women share are scary. Absolutely terrifying. But that’s a story for another blogpost. Suffice to say that while a guy will shorten a sexual experience to “I hit that!” the woman has broken it down to her friends in terms of size, shape, length, girth, direction of lean etc etc. The caveat though is that this is very general or I have very slutty female friends. Hehe.

So I decided to look at the opposite side of the penny. A woman’s perspective on the idea of the first date. And the stories I got were hilarious. So I figured maybe I would try to help out both sides of the divide by sharing the mistakes guys make during those first dates. The question I posed was simple enough. What do guys wrong during the first date? These are some of the responses. 

The overtly sexual guy.This the guy who shows up on the first date and already has a nickname for the chic’s boobs. Hey the twins are looking good today. He is the dude who will linger too long on rubbing the shoulders or slip his tongue in her ear when he’s kissing her good night. Sure there might be some good sexual tension but that doesn’t mean you should slip into the chic’s car at the end of the date and growl about how you must simply touch her. That’s rape territory buddy.

The dude suffering from amnesia.This is the dude who simply isn’t paying enough attention. You ask the chic out then you simply forget about it and then she has to do the follow up. Then when you show up for the date you’ve forgotten her name and christened her Baby, Swiree, Honey Pie, Lamb Chop. Hate to break it to you. They are on to you. 

The I-Am-Better-Than-You Dude- This is a hard one. As guys we show up for the date trying our best to impress the lady. Once in a while though is crosses over to crazy overconfidence. Where you prattle on and on about how you are a catch and end up putting the lady down for who she is. Oh you watch cartoons?Kwani how old are you? Those are for kids.  If you are such a catch then maybe you should just date yourself. As Pink said, it’s just you and your hand.

The Cheapskate – Things are hard with the economy. I mean even Greece recently became a developing country. Some traditional schools of thought say that the dude is meant to pay for everything. Me? I am a bit more practical. Live within your means or go Dutch. Don’t ask the chic out and tell her to buy lunch because you got the movie tickets and then later reveal that you actually won the tickets. 

The Mind reader- We love being in charge. We love to mark our territory and beat our chests. This tends to cross over into that first date. This is the guy who tells you what you want to eat or drink or which movie you probably want watch. Then after that he whispers something along the lines of You want me. How much have you wanted me this much?  Confidence is one thing, being the chic whisperer….

The Mixed Signal – This is the guy who has no idea what exactly he wants. He starts out running after the chic then seems to think better of it then decides to go back to the friend zone. Then he gets another shot of confidence and makes a move only to back down once again. So conversations go something like this: You’re the sexiest woman I have ever met. Five minutes later: You remind me of my little sister. Ten minutes later:  I would rock your world. Twenty minutes later: Have I told you much you really look like my little sister? This dude is definitely getting laid…to rest.

The technophile – This is the dude who hasn’t been out on a date since Facebook was invented. He has all his conversations online and thus his ego has been inflated by the girls who find his profile picture adorable. He is the dude who will be caressing his phone the whole time and speaks only in online parlance…So I was LOLing the other day about some RT an OOMF sent. And this is what the chic is thinking O_0.

This goes out to a very close friend of mine. Wish I could name you personally but going by the stories above you have gone through enough. On behalf of those few, I offer an unreserved apology.