SUPERMAN INTERVIEW

Hot Monday afternoon and an interview panel sits across an expansive oak table. The CEO, the HR manager & the Head of Department leaf through files arranged on the paper. As one interviewee walks out, the secretary scans the list for the next individual. 

“Kent,” she calls out “Is there a Mr. Clark Kent here?” 

                Silence.

She repeats the name but no response. Then she walks back into the conference room to inform the interview panel that Clark Kent is unavailable only to find a rather strapping young fellow seated in front of the panel. He turns back to look at her and smiles warmly, instantly ridding her of the scowl she had on her face. 

                “Are you…?” she begins to ask to which he nods.

                “I am Clark Kent,” he says rather loudly. “But you can call me Superman.”

He turns to the panel and their mouths are agape. He is still in his Superman costume complete with the cape which, despite the lack of a draught in the room, seems to be fluttering in some invisible wind. He is seated up. Ramrod straight. His chest puffed out. His eyes fixed on the three members of the panel. The Head of Department still has her hand on her chest, breathing deeply. Then the question begins.

CEO:      Yes Mr. Kent….

CK:         Please sir….Superman…Mr. Kent is my father.

CEO:      (determined) MR.KENT…I see your resume information isn’t exactly what we would call…normal.

CK:         Well sir. That really depends on what you would define as normal.

CEO:      You listed “Everywhere” as your residential address. What does that mean?

CK:         Well when you can move at the speed of light you can pretty much live wherever you want. I woke up in Arkansas this morning and had breakfast in New York, rescued a lady in India two hours ago and was just busy beating up thugs in Moscow. That’s why I was 3 seconds late. I apologise.

HOD:     (breathing ever so slowly). You listed “super strength” under your strengths…

CK:         (walks up to HOD and lifts her off her feet) That’s what I mean. (he sets her down and she goes into more of a daze)

HRM:     I can see from your file that you have no previous relevant working experience.

CK:         I save stuff. Beat up bad guys. Save the world. Stand up for justice.

HRM:     More emphasis on RELEVANT.

HOD: Somebody save me…(sing song voice)

CK: (Stands up looking off into the distance…emotive music playing in the background) If you don’t think the life of a human being is worth a damn…if you think evil can prevail over justice…if you think wearing underwear over pants….

CEO: I have been meaning to ask about that. What’s with that?

CK: (Regards himself slowly) What? It’s just comfortable. 

HRM: We have a very strict dressing policy here.

CK: Casual Friday?

CEO: Never that casual.

HOD: (Almost drooling now) I don’t mind having my underwear on the outside…

CK :Don’t worry about it. I usually change in telephone booths.

HRM: So you expose yourself in public?

CK : (Panicking a bit) No that’s not what I mean.

HRM: (furiously scribbling) Moving on. What would you say your weaknesses are?

CK : I am completely invulnerable.

CEO: So you are perfect?

CK:  Well I can’t work around kryptonite.

CEO:What’s that?

CK: It’s a green rock from my home planet that makes me very ill.

HRM: So you are scared of little coloured rocks…(more furious scribbling)..Do you work well with others?

CK : (Completely scared now) Well you humans are hard to deal with but .....

CEO: So you're not even human let alone Kenyan? I think we are finished here. (stands up) We shall be in touch...

Superman is still sitting next to his phone.