PRESIDENTIALLY DEBATABLE

To Make Things |Interesting!!

It's been confirmed. The presidential debates are a go. After years of watching the American version of this verbal jousting, Kenyans have finally decided that they can partake of this hallowed tradition. But while we strive to ascend the very highest peaks of Mt. Democracy, we still plan on keeping it Kenyan. I am honestly excited about the prospect of being able to ask the candidates questions about what they intend to do for this great country. All 3,635 of the ones who are in the running to become America's next...oh sorry. I meant running to be president.

First of all I am hoping no one drops out of the race between now and then. The circus is made funnier when there are more clowns running around. All this talk of alliances has me a bit disheartened because it means the field will be whittled down to just a few polished guys. Think about it. A stage with Kingwa Kamencu crying her eyes out at every question, Wakoli Bifwoli muttering under his breath & Kalonzo shuttling between everyone to see if he can lead some alliance. It would be comedy gold.

The format has already been agreed upon and I am pretty sure they are planning on making it incredibly mainstream. But I have a few ideas about how they could make it way more interesting. Top on that list involves getting rid of the elections and using that stage to pick the country's fourth president. It would save us money & the entertainment value would be amazing in comparison to stuffing a piece of paper into a box.

We could have a friendly game of Russian Roulette where the person who ends up with the bullet gets to run the country for five years. Either that or thumb wars. The strength of one's thumb should be able to decide your electability. It makes more sense than running around the country making promises you can't keep. We could take it a step further and just turn it into a mud wrestling competition. Despite the fact that they are used to the mud, I doubt many Kenyans will want to watch that. The idea of RAO covered in mud...ewww.

Who's Smarter Now????

They could also give them all buzzers and ask them questions from lower primary in the hope that they will somehow reveal who can be chief of the armed forces.

"What is a secondary colour/ what is a prime number/Kamilisha methali: Mwenda tezi na omo____/Which is the seventh planet from the sun/When was KAU formed?" 

That kind of stuff just to see if their minds can function at the 10 year old level before entrusting them with a country. I wanna see simple math questions just so people get migraines when they run out of toes and fingers to count. It would be awesome to see someone just completely lose it (probably Jirongo) and run off stage sobbing. Better still we could just withdraw the buzzers & have those chants of "Me teacher. Me Teacher!" ring the air while we try to figure out whose hand went up first. At the end of the night most right answers wins.

At any rate what I don't want to see are the softball questions we've been seeing.How do you ask a guy if he has integrity to run for office and expect him to say no? We want a complete scouring of the issues that matter to you and I. For example: Why we are referred to as common mwananchi. Or why Raila is infatuated with vitendawili. Was he kidnapped and probed by Swahili speaking aliens? Did Ole Kiyapi lose his teeth in a fight with a little girl? Why oh why did Tuju think we'd like to call him Rapho? Why is Peter Kenneth so yellow yellow? What was Martha doing in the car with Father Wamugunda that one time they were car jacked?  These are the questions Kenyans want answered. None of that corruption, education, health, constitution implementation crap the media is touting.

At any rate, it will be time to make these guys sweat. It's an opportunity to watch what is sure to be one of the freshest reality situations in this country. Where the electorate is given the opportunity to scrutinize the choices it's being offered. Oh and just in case Professor Ongeri is reading this...hehe. Wewe. *Walks away whistling*