TOP 10 REASONS WHY WE CAN'T FIND PHILLIP MOI

If you've joined in the national search for the ever elusive Phillip moi then you must be wondering what the deal is. After a whole lot of research our moles figured out the top ten reasons for why this dude simply can't be found and why Pluda will spend the rest of her life looking for him. In reverse order of likelihood, they are:

Blurry but the resemblance is uncanny.

10. He is Big Foot and thus comes out only once a year to feed and mate. This is also the time when random white guys go into the woods to try get blurry images of the dude. If that's the case we have 11 months more of waiting. Coincidentally the scientific name for Big Foot is Phillipus Disappearancicus. Coincidence? I think not.

9. Philip Moi is a spy and thus his true identity and whereabouts can't be revealed. His last mission was to infiltrate a super secret organisation known as M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E which stands for the Multiple Arrangament....(It's too complicated.Take my word for it.) He is thus in deep, DEEP, cover and won't be coming out soon.

8. He is chilling out at a Kenyan police station. That's the last place they would ever think of looking for him at. He just sits there all day seeking some form of service and they keep telling him to wait because they are out looking for Philip Moi.


7. Philip is a member of the congregation at the Fire Ministry. He said something particularly evil about Apostle Njoroge so now his mouth is trying to run away from his face and no one can recognise him.This is a god send since he doesn't have much money to spend on disguises.

6. Have you seen the amount of work going around in town? They are digging up trenches to " move around cables". That's the official government line. The truth? Tunnel system for Phil to get around. That's why Kenyatta Avenue is going to take forever to get repaired. Think about it.

5. Phil works at either Yu, K24 or the City Council which means he is either unknown, unappreciated or a ghost worker respectively.

4. He found an easy way out of the country. He is wheeling it out to South Africa with Zach and you are paying for it. Literally.
 
3. He is a fictional character made up by the propaganda section of the government in a plot to distract us while they find ways of delaying the elections till 2035.

Could This Man Be Batman?

2. He is Batman. Notice how you never see Philip Moi and Batman at the same time? They have so much in common also. Like they are both human...and they both have rich dads...and...

1. Phil is practising for the Olympics as part of a contingent in the Kenyan delegation that wants Hide and Seek added to the roster of the games. After all if curling can make it then a case can be made for this too.